The Gasman: Q and A
by Reborn-Nightmares
Summary: Shane and I kidnap Gaz each night at 3 AM so that he can answer your questions. Rated M just in case you readers have some dirty questions... Don't worry, Gaz is 12 now. Read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Sorry to anyone if this is similar to their own story. REALLY sorry. It's just too tempting to resist, though.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride.

Claimer: I do own this... I think.

* * *

A bright light was flashing in my eyes.

"Max, five more minutes please?" I moaned, covering my face with my hands.

I heard a laugh in reply.

That was NOT Max's laugh.

I sat bolt upright looking around, trying to find the camp I had just been at merely a few hours ago.

And found myself duck-taped to a desk chair, with an old looking computer in front of me, opened to e-mail.

"Who's there?" I called, trying to be brave like Max.

That laugh again.

Then behind me I heard someone standing up.

I struggled against the duck-tape, expecting any minute to be surrounded by Flyboys or Omega.

Then I saw her.

A girl with light brown hair, pale skin, golden eyes, wearing a t-shirt that said, "COME CLOSER- not that close!" and ripped jeans.

I noticed she was barefoot.

The windows were open, I realized, and the computer screen read it was only 3 in the morning.

I wondered what the light had been.

Then I noticed the flashlight.

Of course.

There was one more thing I noticed about the girl- she had short hair, like Max's when it first got cut back in New York.

"Welcome, Gasman." she said, her voice hypnotizing.

"Who are you." I said, trying to ignore the glow from her golden eyes... those beautiful, golden eyes...

Ew! Was I sick? This was a GIRL we were talking about! Sure, I'm 12 now... but that doesn't change anything.

"I'm your worst nightmare." she continued in her melodic voice.

"Who are you?" I repeated, almost falling into her spell.

She sighed.

"I was hoping you'd take that as an answer. Okay, I'm Maxine. And before you accuse me of being with the School, I have to say that I didn't kidnap you, Shane did. But I've got a job for you." she said, the hypnosis wearing thinner, but still blatantly obvious.

"So... what job?" I said, not really caring anymore that I wasn't with the Flock... this girl had some serious power.

"Well..." she turned and faced some camera I hadn't noticed before.

"You are going to answer the questions of my faithful readers. Every night. Same time, same place. People just send questions to reneedecker(at)hotmail(dot)com and you answer them." she finished.

"Okay...?" I answered.

The next thing I knew, I was back with the Flock.

* * *

**A/N: The whole ReneeDecker thing is a fake name... I picked it by meaning.**

**I make up a lot of fake names. EmeraldCharlotte, Trajet D'ete...**

**More faithful readers may have noticed.**

**XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry it took so long. The disclaimer's in the first chappie. Look back if you forget.**

Gazzy's POV

"Ow!" I yelled, waking up from my deep sleep to find myself sitting in a very farmiliar chair.

Oh no… not again.

"Welcome, Gaz. If you'll turn your attention to the questions on the screen, we can get this over with sooner." Said that same hypnotic voice.

I sighed, knowing I couldn't get out of this.

I clicked on the first question that showed up on the computer screen.

_Have Max and Fang ever done it?_

_-R.B.Belle_

"What the hell!" I screamed, staring wide-eyed at the computer.

"Just reply, Gazzy." The voice replied.

I stared for another few seconds, then put my fingers hesitantly on the keyboard.

_R.B.Belle,_

_Um… I'm not so sure I can answer that question._

_Fang'd kill me._

_But… I'll ask Iggy and get back to you on that…_

_-The Gasman_

I clicked on the next one.

_HI GAZZY!_

_If you had to date Iggy or Fang which one would it be?_

_-A Silenced Angel_

"Holy crap!" I yelled, pushing the chair away from the desk.

"Either you reply or Shane replies for you. GET ON WITH IT!!" The hypnotic voice screamed.

Still stunned, I felt myself pulling the chair back toward the desk and placing my hands on the keys.

_A Silenced Angel,_

_Fang's like my dad._

_Iggy's my best friend._

_I would go for Total._

_-The Gasman_

_P.S.- You people are insane._

"Is it over?" I asked, trying to escape.

The voice sighed.

"No." it replied.

I sighed again, clicking on the next one.

Oh joy- R.B.Belle again.

_What's your most embarrassing story?_

_Who do you have a crush on?_

_Secret fears?_

_-R.B.Belle_

I thought for a minute.

_R.B.Belle,_

_Okay, well, for the most embarrassing story- I was trying to prank Iggy one time when Fang came up behind me and started that creepy breathing-on-your-neck thing… I was so scared I screamed like a girl and ran to the creek jumping in without even trying to figure out who it was._

_Er… I'd rather not answer the crush question. (Maxine's right behind me...)_

_Um… I'm scared of Fang?_

_-The Gasman_

I clicked the next, feeling robotic.

_Mmkay, here's some questions for you:  
1.Which flock member is most likely to be a homosexual? Why?  
2. Who's cuter (in Gazzy's opinion), Lissa or Ella?  
3. Can Max make good cookies?  
4. Has Gazzy ever stumbled upon anything...interesting in anyone elses room?_

_-Nattalica_

It took me a while to figure out what some of the questions meant.

"Why the hell are you doing this to me?" I said, searching the room for the source of the voice.

"Just answer them, you've only got a couple left." It replied, though I still couldn't find the source.

I started typing.

_Nattalica,_

… _Probably Nudge, she's always staring at girls… Kind of creepy, once you figure out exactly what she's looking at…_

_Um… Again, I'd rather not answer that question… (Ella, no duh, Lissa's a slut)_

_That's the only thing Max CAN make. I think she puts nicotine in them or something, you just can't stop eating them._

_Yeah… Iggy has a lot of condoms in his drawers… and a few PlayBoys… don't tell him I said that…_

_-The Gasman_

I laughed a little to myself, then clicked the last question.

_Does Fang ever play with himself?_

_-randomqueen_

This time I was full-out laughing.

_Randomqueen,_

_Only when he's looking at pictures of Max._

_-The Gasman_

"Okay, you're done!" the voice said, and as soon as I could blink I was back on the branch I had been sleeping in.

"What the hell has happened to this world…" I muttered to myself before drifting back off to sleep.

**A/N: Haha, sorry it took me so long.**

**Just put the questions in reviews, I lose track of the e-mails.**

**Hope Gazzy could answer your questions!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Haha, this'll be a funny one. Disclaimer in the first chapter.**

Gazzy's POV

I felt something hard poke my shoulder.

"Ow! What the hell, Ig?" I said, attempting to roll over, then finding myself bound to a chair.

"Aw, crap." I muttered, opening my eyes and staring, yet again, at a computer screen.

"I was in a hotel this time!" I yelled, turning my head in every direction, trying to find the source of the jab.

What I saw scared me.

It was a guy- maybe a year or two younger than Fang- with really dark purple hair that was spiked in the back with pin-straight side bangs on one side of his face. He was pale and bruised, also, and his eyes were ocean blue. He was strong, from the look of it, and he had bags under his eyes and was fumbling around in one of his pockets. I noticed that he was wearing pajamas… all black.

His hand came out of his pocket with a cigarette, then his other hand came up with a lighter in hand and lit it.

He glared at me for a minute, before saying, "What, kid?" in an annoyed tone.

I gaped back, before stuttering out the words, "Who are you? Isn't Maxine supposed to bring me here or something?"

He blew smoke in my face.

"She's busy." He said, not answering my first question.

"Well, who are you then?" I asked again, more confidence in my voice, though the guy scared the shit out of me.

"Shane. Her boyfriend." He said simply.

I was shocked.

A girl that freakishly hypnotic and amazing would settle for THAT guy? What was wrong with her brain?

He smirked, as if reading my thoughts.

"Well, don't you know what you're supposed to do? Get on with it, mutant!" he said, focusing once again on his cigarette.

I sighed, then turned to the computer screen.

The first question popped up.

_Can I pet your dog? OH NOEZZ IT HAS WINGS HOLY CRAP!_

_-stickyxmicky_

I chuckled a little, and I could hear Satan- I mean Shane- shift his weight and I felt smoke on the back of my head.

_Stickyxmicky,_

_Sure, you can pet Total! Watch out though, those wings are pointy._

_-The Gasman_

The next question showed up without me clicking anything.

I read quickly, desperate to get away from Sata- uh, Shane.

_Have you ever gotten horney?_

_Do u like ny1?_

_Have you ever put on a condom?_

_-wolfwithwings15_

I started typing as soon as I'd read the last question, hoping that dude hadn't seen any of the questions.

_Wolfwithwings15,_

_Nope. Don't you steal my innocence, freak._

_Er… yes. But I think the dude behind me might just kill me if I said who._

_Haha, yeah, on a dare, I have._

_-The Gasman (who's really eager to leave and isn't answering any more questions tonight)_

I felt the hard poke on my shoulder again, and when I looked around, I was sitting on the couch in the hotel room Iggy and I were sharing.

A few seconds later, I was fast asleep on the bed.

**A/N: Great questions, y'all. Sorry I didn't do any more questions, and didn't wait long enough for there to be more, I was bored and didn't have enough time to update a different story.**

**Shane's not that evil in real life, you know. Gazzy's just in crazy love with me so he naturally has to hate the dude.**

**And Shane-la and I are in deep, mushy love that would gross Gazzy- and most of the population of the world- out.**

**Also, Shane hates Gazzy because he thinks that he's gonna steal me away.**

**Don't worry, Shane. It's just fun to hypnotize the boy.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Haha, sorry if any of you faithful reviewers are offended, Gaz didn't get much sleep.**

Gazzy's POV

I sat up, leaning against a tree, waiting to see what would happen. Fang couldn't tell I was awake- he was lost in thought, holding Max close to him.

My watch now read 2:59 AM, and I was waiting for something.

Then I saw it.

A boy and a girl- the same two I'd seen the past few nights- ran silently over to Fang, needle in hand.

The boy came my way, seeing me awake and cussing.

I blinked and he was behind me, forcing duck tape over my mouth.

I didn't attempt to make a sound.

The girl was whispering something in Fang's ear, then holding his arm gently and injecting it with something.

Fang lied down next to Max, drifting off into a deep sleep.

Then the girl went over to Iggy, tapping his hand twice, then whispering in his ear.

A smile spread across his mouth.

So he was in on it!

Ig looked my way and smiled, then flew up to a branch to take watch.

Then I felt a prick in my arm, and the next thing I knew, I was in front of the computer again, the tape was gone from my mouth, and the clock read 3:01 AM.

"You guys are good." I said, then clicked the first message on the screen.

_kay,  
Gazzy,  
a)Would Max and Iggy ever work out?  
b)If so, would Fang turn into a homicidal maniac?  
c)If we're posting this...is it possible that any other member of the flock could find this on the internet?  
d)Is it possible that we can trade you in for another member of the flock for a night?_

_sorry that we traumatize you -  
nattalica,_

I wasn't hesitant at all typing my answer.

_Nattalica,_

_Wow, you returned._

_Again._

_Thank you so much for joining in my torture._

_It must be entertaining to all of you._

_Alright- back to business._

_A. Max and Iggy… I think Iggy would go for just about any girl, knowing him, but Max just thinks of Iggy as a brother. In my opinion, Miggy is way better than Fax, but you try telling that to Fang, and he'll strangle you. I don't think Fang would allow it._

_B. Like I was getting to before. I think Fang would murder Iggy, then get some love potion for Max. Of course, if he thought Max was happy, then he'd probably just go be emo somewhere. Or maybe he'd just pop the pills… Fang's definitely capable of killing, but I think he'd probably just off himself instead._

_C. Um… we're posting this? Shit… Fang reads fanfiction a lot, doesn't he… PLEASE tell me this isn't on fanfiction…_

_D. What, I'm not good enough for you? I don't think so, but maybe if I bug the Cra- I mean, bug Shane enough, I'll get suspended, and then Iggy'll just have to take my spot._

_-The Gasman_

I clicked send then went to the next message, wondering how many there were for tonight.

_does iggy like me_

_and_

_get iggy 2 c me!!_

_yea!_

_yay!_

_whoo whoo!_

_-jazdi909_

I felt deja vous coming on, then hurriedly started typing.

_Jazdi909,_

_Wow._

_I thought only Fang had fangirls._

_Hm._

_Uh… does Iggy like you…_

_Well, he likes EVERY girl, so…_

_You got lucky._

_And if you come tomorrow night, I think I can get Iggy here. You know, if I bug the… Shane._

_-The Gasman_

I grimanced as I saw the sender of the next message.

A Silenced Angel has returned.

Joy.

_Dearest Gazzy: hee hee_

_What do you think about Miley Cyrus¿_

_Also, will u break out in song next time that guy Shane is in the room¿_

_I HATE MILEY CYRUS_

_-A Silenced Angel_

I searched around in my head for a minute, trying to remember who this Smiley kid was.

All I could remember was that Nudge loved her and Max called her the next Red-Haired Wonder.

_A Silenced Angel,_

_Well, I'm gonna go with Max on this- Miley's a whore._

_LOL, thanks, I needed the idea. DANCE PARTY!!_

_-The Gasman (who now worships you)_

I hit send then opened iTunes before anyone behind me could react.

The song that came on made me laugh even harder.

**Mmmmmmmm  
Let me talk to 'em  
Let me talk to 'em  
Mmmmmmm  
Let me talk to 'em  
C'mon!**

**Shawty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans)  
Boots with the fur (with the fur)  
The whole club was looking at her  
She hit the floor (she hit the floor)  
Next thing you know  
Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low**

By now I was dancing with the goddess, trying to piss off Shane as much as I could.

And damn, this girl could DANCE.

**  
Them baggy sweat pants  
And the Reebok's with the straps (with the straps)  
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack (hey)**

I slapped her ass, getting a responding giggle and a really annoyed Shane.

**  
She hit the floor (she hit the floor)  
Next thing you know  
Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low**

I felt someone hit me square in the face, and everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

My head hurt. Like, really bad. Actually, come to think of it, my nose hurt mostly…

I opened my eyes and saw the room I'd been held prisoner in each night… empty.

Then a door I'd never noticed opened, and Iggy walked in.

"Thank God man, you can save me!" I said, relieved.

"Nah, I'm here for the fans." He said, and pulled out Fang's laptop.

"You suck." I said, then walked over to the desktop computer.

Just when I was getting ready to read the first question, a screaming girl came in the door. She had dark brown curly hair, with one bright purple streak in it, and she looked… half-asian maybe? She ran over to Iggy and fainted.

Huh.

_I feel sorry for you being in this situation, though this is what I should do to Freddy Krueger the next time he ** me off. (If you don't know who Freddy is, you don't want to know)_

Ok, my questions for you:  
1. have you seen any good movies? if so, which is your favorite?  
2. can you tell Shane that I said he's an **? and tell him to look at the computer screen, i have something to show him.  
(flips the middle finger at Shane and laughs)  
3. what kind of music do you like?

Well, that's all i have for now. bye.

_-furyandragon_

I laughed, then saw the d- Shane walk in.

He turned on a webcam and flipped a double bird to the person on the other side, then walked out.

_Furyandragon,_

_First of all, Freddy's amazing. He's a person you should idolize._

_Um… The only movie I've seen is one that was playing when we visited Max's mom's house… I think it was called "Josh Tupper Mud Cry" or "John Bluffer Must Pie" or something like that. It was halfway decent, I guess. Not enough fighting, though._

_Well I'm gonna guess you were the person on the other end of that webcam thing…_

_I like Hip Hop, like Lil Wayne or Soulja Boy, duh. I'm not emo like Fang. I don't go around singing "I Must Be Emo" by Jefree Star (haha… good times with Angel's mind control…)_

_Well… I must say that all of you people are complete lunatics, and really, I wouldn't mind if I had to sick Angel on you…_

_-The Gasman_

I sighed and shook my head, then clicked on the next.

_Hola!  
Urm, Gazzy, slapping girl's asses? How old are you again? Have I missed 5 years or something, 'cause if not...  
And, do we get Iggy now? not that I don't love you Gazzy...but you're adapting too well. We need someone more frantic, who has more embarassing secrets. I mean, I'm sure that there's some things that even you don't know about everyone...  
And, if it's Iggy now, tell me: You've got super hearing...what noises are you picking up...late at night, shall we say ;)?  
-Meralie, which is actually Nattalica, just in her alter ego,,_

Nattalica loves you!

I would've had a spaz attack, but Iggy was still behind me, clicking away on the keys… I almost forgot he was blind.

_Meralie/Nattalica…_

_Uh… What's hola?_

_And anyways, I was trying to get out of a hostage situation. By pissing off the d- Shane. I'm 12, if you didn't hear that already. I could've sworn it said that somewhere…_

_I'm pretty sure you've GOT Iggy… I mean, he's right here… Oh, that's a webcam he's using…Man where does everyone keep getting those?_

This retarded bit by the Gas-meister has been interrupted by a way hotter 16 year old. If you didn't see earlier on, I'm kinda the one that sold Gaz in for this…

Trust me. You do not want to know what goes on when Max and Fang think everyone's asleep. Or what Jeb and Dr. Martinez are doing, either…

Peace out, from a more amazing bird kid.

Now back to the retard, who has no idea this is in here…

_Well… Yeah, since I can't answer those, bye._

_-The Gasman_

I heard Iggy snickering and threw a shoe at him, only to have it chucked back at my own head.

Onto the next dramatically insane being…

_GAZY!  
I misseth you so much! And I am sorry that I am a very hyper child who has a HIGH metabolism and a strong hate for Miley Cyrus. [coughbitchslutwhorecough]_

Anywho...

1) what do u think about emoz?¿?¿ [so hawt]  
2) i love starbucks. hav u evr been¿  
3) do u hav perverted dreams about anyone¿ [coughMWHAAHAHAAcough]

_-A Silenced Angel_

Aw crap, her again.

_A Silenced Angel,_

_No offense or anything, but a silenced angel really doesn't fit you…_

_Emos are extremely annoying. We all went through the same stuff at the School, so SOME PEOPLE shouldn't be so depressing about it._

_Starbucks…That sounds like a horse's name._

_Uhhh…Um… Nothing about a goddess, no…_

_Alright…_

_-The Gasman_

I shuddered. Fang could be so annoying… But he was like a dad, just an extremely depressed and perverted dad…

_I have a question for Gazzy. What was the funniest prank you ever pulled?_

_-Breze Lee_

Finally. A partially sane person.

_Breze Lee,_

_The funniest prank I ever pulled was definitely the one where Iggy and I replaced Fang's shampoo with pink hair dye. Even though we were nearly killed, it was great. Because his wings turned out pink too._

_-The Gasman_

My fingers hurt from typing so much, and I wondered how many more questions there were.

Apparantly, there was one. From a person I'd never heard of before, interesting.

_So...Gazzy...-evil laughter-  
When are you gonna get a girlfriend?  
Is Iggy ever gonna get a girlfriend?  
Are Max and Fang ever gonna get together?  
And do you like Jell-O? Or Mac'n'Cheese?  
x)_

~eh~

_-eclipsed heart_

Huh. Not as sane as I had hoped for.

_Eclipsed Heart,_

_I'll get a girlfriend when I'm good and ready, thank you._

_Iggy's stalking Ella, just so you know._

_Max and Fang… I'm pretty sure they are together, otherwise Max would be considered a whore…_

_Jell-O is the greatest invention ever. Mac 'n' Cheese is just fun to use in a bomb._

_-The Gasman_

I smiled, hit send, and then again, everything went black.


End file.
